Visiting Teaching

"Visiting teaching is much more than a visit or sharing a thought with a sister. It is how we connect with one another. We share hearts and souls and extend charity, which is "the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love" (Bible Dictionary, "Charity," 632). Visiting teaching brings the love of the Lord to every home and to every sister. It is a sacred trust we have been given.

"Why do sisters do visiting teaching? Mosiah describes it this way: "To bear one another's burdens, . . . to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort" (Mosiah 18:8–9)."

These paragraphs come from the Visiting Teaching section of the Relief Society page on www.lds.org. It is a brief description of why we are asked to be visiting teachers and what the purpose truly is. It seems very simple, very easy but it hasn't been that way for me.

Visiting teaching has never been an easy thing for me. When I first got married I was at best only a half-hearted visiting teacher and rarely invited my own visiting teachers into my home. I admit I frequently ignored phone calls and messages requesting a visit or asking whether or not I had completed my own visiting teaching.

My excuses have been many and varied. Here's a sample (I know these are really awful but keep reading):

• I don't need charity. I am surrounded by family and so any needs that I haven't been able to take care of on my own with the help of my husband have always been fulfilled by my extended family. I'm uncomfortable asking for charity from a real friend, let alone a practical stranger. Even if I need charity and my family can't come through for me, I would never feel comfortable asking someone else to drop everything in their busy life to cater to me!!!
• I don't want to be someone's assignment. The majority of my visiting teachers have always been a friend in my home; very concerned, very interested and eager to be a part of my life, but once they stepped off of my front porch, that concern and interest was gone. I always felt like a project and it bothered me.
• I am uncomfortable around women. I don't have any real girlfriends of my own outside of my sisters and I just don't know how to be a friend to another woman.
• I don't need girlfriends.
• I just don't have time for it.

OK. The terrible part is over. I will dispel these "excuses" a little later. But first, a little more background. When I moved into a different ward (it has now been five years), I agreed out of guilt, to become a visiting teacher again. I never went once. Again, I ignored the phone calls and messages, and I tried to avoid my own visiting teachers in the halls at church. I rarely returned phone calls and even when I did it was purely out of guilt. Eventually, my Relief Society President called me to ask me to commit or quit. In a tearful phone conversation I explained my excuses and told her I did not want to be a visiting teacher anymore. I honestly felt relieved at the time but it didn't last very long.

Life changed. I began having children. Then I became a full time stay at home mom and later I began to experience some very difficult personal trials and through all of these experiences I began to be eager for the companionship and support of other women. I thought often of my decision not to be a visiting teacher. I knew it was holding me back spiritually and probably in other ways as well and I knew eventually I needed to accept the calling again and fulfill it the right way this time. I also knew that I was a hypocrite, preaching about the importance of obedience and the blessings that come from it, all the while knowing that I was not obedient myself. But I also knew it would be very difficult and I knew I didn't want to accept the responsibility until I was ready to commit and see it through. So I prayed often in my heart that the call would be extended again. I never actually prayed out loud because I was never really sure I wanted the call and I was definitely not ready to call myself and request to become a visiting teacher. So I just waited.

Finally, just a few weeks ago, and nearly two years after I quit the first time, my Relief Society President called me up and asked if I would like to be a visiting teacher. I was excited to accept and grateful that the Lord had heard my silent prayer. I told her I was still nervous about it but that I knew I needed to accept this responsibility. She addressed my concerns and assigned me with a suitable group of women to match my circumstances.

So today, I went! I visited my two sisters and I had a nice time. It was a little uncomfortable for me, it probably will be for a while. It was even a little inconvenient and hauling around my two young children was a challenge as well. But it doesn't matter! I feel so good about it and I'm eager to make the best of this opportunity and excited to learn and grow through this calling.

Now, as for those excuses, here's what I have learned and hopefully will continue to learn:

• I not only need charity, but I need to allow others to give me charity. This is a difficult thing for a lot of people to accept. Its hard to ask for help. I pride myself on my independence and self-reliance. But when I was recovering from childbirth, when I had a child in the hospital, and just recently when I was dealing with a difficult personal challenge I have accepted charity from my visiting teachers, neighbors and from a good friend. Always, these sisters have been cheerful and eager to help and the help has been much needed and much appreciated. It still isn't easy, but I am beginning to learn that it is a blessing to receive charity and it is important to allow others the blessings that come from serving someone else.
• If I feel like someone's "assignment" it may actually be my own fault. I'm sure there may be cases where it wasn't my fault, but truthfully, I have never made it easy for my visiting teachers to love, serve or befriend me - in fact I've made it nearly impossible.
• I am still uncomfortable around women but I've learned something interesting about the women in my ward - and maybe in yours too. In my ward there are so many women who go around thinking no one loves them or likes them and even that the other women hate them because no one sits by them or approaches them. But we are all the same! All of us are insecure and afraid to approach one another! I've heard recently that if we want friends we can't wait around for others to befriend us, we have to be the friend first. And for so many of us, like me, that is a real challenge. I never know what to say to another woman. That's something I hope to learn and overcome as I fulfill my visiting teaching calling.
• I do need girlfriends. I may not know how to have a girlfriend or how to be one YET but I hope to learn. This is something I am realizing more and more as I get older and have to face more difficult challenges. Ever since I became a stay at home mom, I, who used to hate having my visiting teachers come, am actually sorry when they leave. I love the conversation. I love chatting about the things we, as women and wives and mothers all have in common and I love having that support and encouragement from them and sharing in their experiences. I get so lonely sometimes and just want to have another woman to talk to but I just don't know how to get started. I hope visiting teaching will help me.
• I can make time for it. If I consider how much time I waste every day, every week, every month, I really can make time for it. I can easily replace an hour or two of wasted time in front of the computer or television for a few hours in service or just getting to know the sisters in my ward better.
• I need to learn to give service and I am anxious to learn to give without being asked, to recognize a need and supply it, and to learn to love all of it.

I'm still nervous that I won't have the strength to be the visiting teacher I know I need to be but I'm going to really, really try. I do want to be a friend! I want to learn to be a little less selfish and little more caring. I want to be a little less shy and uncomfortable and a little more natural. I'm eager to accept this challenge and learn as I go. And if through that friendship I can help lift another, teach another or bring another closer to the Savior I know I will find true happiness in the service I've been called to give.